Childbirth class report

-or- What NOT to do or say when accompanying your wife to Childbirth class

I believe a numbered list is most appropriate in this situation.

1. Lay down on the floor during breathing exercises.

2. Announce to the class how lazy your wife has gotten in the last trimester.

3. Chase the other pregnant ladies around with an amnio- hook.

4. When the instructor offers a chair to the pregnant ladies to prop their feet up and they all decline, but you go ahead and get one for yourself.

5. Making a baby-cry noise at the end of every breathing exercise.

6. Make disgusted faces and groans during the childbirth video.

7. Later, impersonate women in aforementioned childbirth video.

8. Ask if the instructor knows if most carpet warranties cover someone's water breaking.