On Sleep Deprivation

I had an idea to write a blog post about my lack of sleep this morning at 3:30, as I stared at the baby monitor chanting "please don't wake up again, please don't wake up again."

The short answer to the question "Are you tired?" is a two parter: Yes and I don't know.

I'm completely exhausted. I love the bedtime hour because every night holds so much promise: will he sleep longer tonight? Will I wake feeling refreshed? So far the answer is no. What is it that keeps giving me hope? I'm really not sure...some weird motherhood hormone, I guess.

Here's something fun about being a mother now: any type of weird ailment or psychosis is chalked up to hormones. This is the first time in my life I've been OK with that. Before, it was offensive. Now, I'm thankful for the excuse. (Note: That still does not give any male in my life an excuse to accuse me of having a hormonal episode.)

This is also weird: My body has strangely adjusted to the lack of sleep. I'm nervous about going back to work in a couple of weeks, but not that nervous. Mostly because I have that hormone excuse. I'm totally going to use that in a pinch.

Baby's crying. Time to eat. Peace to those of you who have wisely opted to wait for children. This must be what everyone means when they say, "If you wait til you're ready to have kids, you'll never have kids." Nobody is ever ready to not sleep.

Doesn't make the saying any less annoying.